The End

2009-11-02T13:38:00.003-07:00

I am shutting down my blog and want to explain why:

It has come to my attention that my intentions with this blog have been misunderstood, and I have misrepresented myself as well. I started this blog for me. I started it as a place to figure things out by writing them out and to let people get to know me a little better in the process. I started writing it, but no one really read it, so the haphazard nature of the blog was fine.

But then two things happened: people started really reading it (while I didn’t realize it), and I became more careless with what I wrote and how I wrote it. I never saw this blog as a synecdoche—my life and thoughts have never been entirely represented by one blog post or even all of the blog posts put together. They’ve been topic-based: my thoughts on one topic in one moment.

They were also never ever meant to speak to or about anyone else’s experiences. They were about my experiences and my perceptions, again, in a single moment, and I didn’t feel it necessary to go back after I had resolved an issue or question to clarify it for my readers.

For these things, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, a majority of which is feeling sorry for me; I am so nervous (an relatively certain) that in my careless, occasional ranting, I’ve offended people and I’ve misrepresented myself on some very important issues.

Some things I’d like to clear up at the close of this blog:

I’ve never intended to offend or insult anyone with anything I’ve said here. I feel almost certain I have, and for that I cannot apologize enough. Again: it was NEVER my intention. That being said, I do believe that what I’ve said has been honest, even if only for a moment—as a moment that I felt one way, not necessarily representative of my standing point of view or my entire point of view, though I’ve realized now that I should have represented myself and my opinions more wholly more often. If a blog-reader ever directly asked me my opinion on any of the topics I’ve ever blogged about, I would have shared the same opinions I have here. I don’t apologize for having opinions; I do not apologize for them being different than anyone else’s. I definitely do apologize for not having softer startups with them. I do apologize for skipping essential steps in my logic and in my journey the point I eventually arrived at. I did not intend to change other people’s opinions, unless I stated explicitly otherwise—I merely meant to express my opinions (most often to clarify them myself) and to elicit conversation.

As a side note, the man I am now marrying got back into contact with me because of this blog, and because I wrote a controversial (and wrong, in his opinion) post about something LDS-related. He sent me an email and opened up a dialogue that we carry on to this day. He wasn’t offended. He saw my writing as an opinion and a point of discussion. I bring this up not to say that’s how readers should have been, but to say that is how I assumed most people would respond. I made a mistake with that assumption and I’m sorry.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Setting the truthfulness of the gospel aside, it is beautiful and what the gospel brings to my life is beautiful. It makes me a better person and I am grateful for its presence in my life. Any disharmony I’ve expressed on this blog with the LDS church or its doctrine does not discount my belief in it. Please understand that there are A LOT of things I haven't learned, processed or made decisions on yet, either because I haven't studied it yet or because I haven't had the opportunity to study it yet. My blogs reflected my knowledge, understanding, and my level of peace with the gospel (which is glaringly incomplete). That being said, I do not have, nor will I ever have, a conflict-free relationship with some members of the church, some of the doctrine of the church, and certainly not the culture surrounding the church. I also believe that pretending that I have no issues with anything is counter-productive in general, but certainly for me specifically. I don’t believe silence and passivity is a positive thing. 2 Ne 28:30 says, "...they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have." I’ve said this before, but the LDS church was founded from a boy who questioned something while looking for an answer. I don’t see why we should be any different. In fact, I do not believe we should be.

I am a feminist, and I am proud and happy to be. I flaunt the title happily. I am aware that the term has been tinged with a negative history—especially to the place that I live in. Some people understand feminist to mean an angry and universally man-hating woman with hairy armpits. That’s not what feminists are. Some may be that way, and I don’t blame them for it. I don’t blame them. I understand where they’re coming from: I’m angry, too.

I’m angry that 1 in 3 women is assaulted in her lifetime (5th page on this document) and that 91% of the time, it’s by someone she knows. I’m angry that the rape rate is higher in Utah than the National Average and that only 20% of rapes are reported and less than that are prosecuted. And statistically, more than 98% of the offenders are male, so how off the wall is it to think that a woman could be upset with some men?

I’m also angry that while women earn more Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees than men, and just about as many Doctoral, Law, and Medical degrees as men, they are still getting paid 77 cents for every dollar a man earns (from the October 26th 2009 Time).

I believe in equality. I believe that women should be presented with the opportunity to do anything her little heart desires. I believe she has the right to not be abused or bullied. I believe that she has the right to be educated about her choices and have her choices respected— whatever they are. And I will take anyone to task that thinks I need to change my mind. That’s what feminism is, and I feel no shame for being one. I feel proud. I know most men aren’t standing around figuring out ways to pay women less. But that doesn’t relieve my anger that we still are paid less. So yes, I’m angry. But shouldn’t everyone be?

Again, that being said, I love men (I’m about to marry one that compliments me in all the right ways). I can’t remember the statistic for this one and I can’t find it again, but the percentage of men who rape is actually quite small. The large majority of the rapes committed are by men who have raped before and will rape again. The men in my life are men who would fight to end domestic violence, too. And I know there are a lot of them.

In essence, I am taking the blog down so as to not perpetuate an incomplete understanding of who I am because I don’t have the will or energy to draw a more complete portrait in every post. I’m sorry for all of the icky misunderstandings, and I ask your forgiveness.

-Chelsea Lane Campbell

it's still nice to be Chelsea

The End